4 weeks post injury

It has been 4 weeks since my injury. I have been in physical therapy for 2 weeks. Ryan is my super-nice physical therapist who makes me do painful exercises and doesn't mind all my questions. The exercises are so embarassingly simple....but so painful. The leg just doesn't want to bend. And the pain is now directly over the torn MCL when stressed. The only other pain is from the swelling, which is frustrating. It is an ongoing battle, and ice is my new best friend. Below is my lovely leg brace. I actually had two strangers today make a reference to the "Bionic Woman", so I am chanelling Jamie Sommers. "Gentleman, we CAN rebuild her.......we have the technology..."

I have a love-hate relationship with this brace. I hate how heavy it feels and the fact that it only fits OVER my clothes. But I love it because it gives me the security to walk around and not to have to rely on crutches.



The picture below shows the swelling stage. It is my nemesis. When it swells-no bending.....when you bend it a lot.....it swells. You get the picture. And the level of muscle atrophy is still pretty scary. I have one bird leg. While receiving an ice treatment in PT the other day, Ryan was wrapping the cold sleeve around my knee and he said, "Wow. You know...this doesn't usually fit all the way around anyones leg!" errrr....thanks?

And here I am at three weeks.....this is as far as the leg will flex. And that is as far as she goes.It is right about here that the knee feels as if it will explode right out of the inside of the knee. And.....ouch. But that is about twice as far as 2 weeks prior, so........progress.This by far, the hardest thing I have ever done. This is a horrible, slow-healing injury with very little satisfaction for all the pain and hard work. But I am finally wrapping my brain around the long haul ahead. I am finally seeing it as a goal, all by itself. And I have been busy rearanging
Jackson and Savannahs school curricula so that they can continue with school without interruption during my surgery/and initial recovery phase.

I went to PT today, and I was excited to see that the 70 degrees that I could bend my leg, 2 weeks ago, had turned into 110 degrees today. So, I guess my hard work is paying off!!!!

Nice ride, right?

Cheers!

melissa

The final verdict from the doc

Well, today was my visit with the orthopaedic doc. to find out the official diagnosis after reading the MRI. I don't like to do things poorly. And not wanting to be inconsistent, I have injured my knee painstakingly thoroughly.

Officially, I have a Grade 3 tear of the MCL which require 4-6 weeks of pre-hab Physical therapy to heal, as well as to build the quad muscle. A completely torn ACL, which will require reconstructive surgery at any time after the MCL has healed. Re hab will begin immediately after surgery with walking w/ brace at about 2 weeks, jogging in a straight line at about 3 months and maximum performance at about 6 months. A sprained LCL, that will likely heal on its own.

So basicly, the only thing holding my knee together right now, is my knee brace. It seems that the knee brace, myself, and my new physical therapist, Ryan, that I will meet on Monday, will be almost inseperable for the most of 2011.

I haven't really been able to fully comprehend it all yet. I don't want to do it. But I know I have to do it. I know people have much, much, MUCH more serious injuries than this. I know that God is with me, and He is my strength. I know that I really wish that Race were home. I have a million thoughts going through my head right now. I have to rearrange everything. School, the kids activities, our activities here at home. It all has to be re-worked, so that we can manage all of this for the next6-7 months. I know it can be done...........I'm just still sorting it all out.

But I will tell you the worst of it all. The worst thing is the absolute vulnerability that I feel. I have been living this life without my husband for long periods of time, ever since the kids were little. I have always felt that I could handle, in one way or another, most anything that would come along. For the first time, I really don't feel that way. I mean right now, uneven ground is kicking my butt!

Ah! But I will get it sorted out. And I know in my heart of hearts that God has something for me. Something to show me...Something to work out in me......a blessing to come by relying on His grace. I know this. And I will wrestle with it a bit, and then get on with it. Because as I was reminded this morning, "Amazing Love! How can it be? That you, my King would die for me?"

THAT is the source of my strength.

Cheers!

melissa

Progress.......I think. day 10 post injury

This injury is a test in patience, for sure. If you have been reading here very long, you will know that this is not my best quality. Still waiting to go back to the doc, for the final "here's how bad it is", but I thought i'd give you a quick update.

It seems this is one of those injuries that gets better, faster, when you leave it the heck alone! Seriously, it really seemed to take a huge turn for the better when I STOPPED trying to get around and just sat down, propped up my foot and stuck to the ice regimen.

The emotional ups and downs have been rather monumental, but I am slowly coming to grips with not only the injury but with the fact that the human body is an amazing creation, and it WANTS to heal itself and I need to allow it to do that.

But I really miss Race.

The progress is small, but noteworthy:

*The swelling has gone down! There is still a bit right in the joint, but it looks SO. Much. Better.(I know......I should moisturize properly. But...I've been busy and I wasn't thinking about the photo shoot.)

* There isn't much pain as long as I keep the brace on to keep the knee stable. (Yeah, I have to sleep in that monstrosity) But...........

*I can stand!!


*I can walk!!!! It's a MIRACLE!

(Please, pay no attention to that basket of scarves and the leftover Sundance box. I'm walkin man! I'm walkin!)

Only with the brace on and not for very far, before I really start feeling it, and I look like Tron, but still....no more crutches!


So now, we just wait for the doctor. I have a list a mile long of pesky questions about weights and yoga and do's and don'ts etc, etc.
I feel bad about only posting pictures of my knee. So here's another picture, drawn at random, for your viewing pleasure:
It's Jackson doing yard work. I like it. (But don't tell my mom that we let him mow grass without shoes on.He has been forwarned with bloody stump stories) Feel free to talk amongst yourselves about this.

Ok, back to the knee........

The only really negative thing is the astounding rate of muscle atrophy. All that beautiful, hard earned muscle......just.....melting away like the snow in Texas. That part is actually a little scary, and I can't wait to be able to do something about it! I actually had a dream (nightmare?) about waking up with a little shrivelled-up Gollum leg! ACK!! So for now, I am staying on a high protein/low carb diet and just resting.........and waiting.

As far as handling the daily stuff, the kids have been wonderful about just stepping up and doing what needs to be done. They have equally shared the load of the cooking and the cleaning, doing the laundry and taking care of the animals. I mean really, what have I been doing all this time? I should have done this ages ago, right?
Today, after lessons, I was able to take them to the climbing gym and just wait in the car with my leg propped up. (The steps and uneven terrain are not good right now!) After that, the kids went into the grocery store, armed with THE LIST, and got everything. (I ever-so-briefly contemplated going in and riding one of those little motor carts, but I knew I would laugh too hard and then no one would believe I was injured, so I put it out of my mind.) They came home, brought it in, put it away, and then Savannah made Beef Stroganoff for everyone and then asked, "Mom, would you like a glass of wine with that?" Good, good girl, that one.

Daily life isn't perfect by any means, but it feels good to know that we CAN get it done. And that we can get it done with a pretty good attitude toward one another and without being hounded. That feels great! Heck, if Race were home, this might be a piece of cake!



Cheers!
Melissa

P.S.- Because a couple of people asked,the toenails were painted by moi' using the stretch and dab method. Because nobody ever feels better any faster when they feel like they look gross. :-) Gotta go get that moisturizer.

Challenges

Well today was a big day. Lets see....... first of all it was actually a beautiful day outside today. Seriously, high temps in the upper 50's and bright sunshine! Savannah moved a chair by the kitchen door on the deck, and I was able to sit outside and soak up a few welcome, warm, winter rays. The weather was short lived, and it is cold again tonight, with icy showers on the way. But it was so nice today! And I got outside!
You know, one of the great things about being injured, is that people feel sorry for you. Its pretty awesome. I happen to have a really amazing family. My mom and dad (who is still recovering from a broken foot.....his first injury also) sent me this lovely bouquet of fruit!! My dad thinks it is funny that I said I will be a 300lb alcoholic before I am well, and the note that accompanied this gift said, "Get well soon! And this won't put you on the fat farm!" I love my parents. That note made me laugh out loud. And the fruit was AMAZING! *And side note: pineapple has natural anti-inflammatory properties....so......Bo-NUS!*


My sisters have been amazing as well. from bringing me homemade soup, to listening to me drone on and on about my knee on the phone, to hauling my kids around. I could almost get used to people feeling sorry for me. It's pretty great.

In other news today. I am now sporting a lovely new hinged brace. To be more precise The Gladiator Brace. Oh it's a beauty. Big metal bars going up the sides, with hinges at the knee, and plenty of buckles and heavy duty velcro. How much do you think something like this costs? $200??
$500????
Wrong! Try One THOUSAND dollars. Yes. Thats right . A grand. How many shoes could one by with a thousand dollars??? Don't ask. I don't wanna talk about it. However, it DOES give my knee the support that it needs right now, so for the first time in a week, I have been able to put some weight on that leg. I am calling that progress right now. But it does beg the question: What shoes would you WEAR with this brace???? I think they should be expensive ones.


I had my MRI today. That is one coolio piece of technology. It photographs the muscles and ligaments using highly magnetic waves......or some kinda cool crap like that. All I know is an alert technition kept one of my metal crutches from being sucked backward and stuck to the machine! Which I thought would have been hilarious!!! The MRI itself was fine. Not a big deal at all. And they even let you listen to whatever kind of music you want to.

The other big event of the day was getting a shower and washing my hair! gross, right? I know. But it was an event. Simply because it was sooooo difficult to do and took soooooo much longer than usual. But I hung in there, kept stopping myself from making "old people" comparisons in my mind, and I got it done. All clean, with shiny, blow dried locks once again. That felt awesome.

But the biggest news of the day, is that my knee swelling is finally really going down. It has been almost a week, and this is what my leg looks like now. YAY! It looks like a leg again! Not completely normal, but not tree-stump-like, either. So that is encouraging. (Look at those crutches at the end of the bed......mocking me. *hmph*)



There was so much walking to do today getting to the MRI facility, etc. I am worn out, and not planning on getting up too much tomorrow. Trying to let all the swelling go down, so I can start using my leg muscles a bit, and maybe get some stability with my brace. If that happens, the first thing I will do is throw the crutches into the driveway, and back over them with the suburban. THEN we shall get on with the recovery!

Cheers!
Melissa

Slammin on the Brakes.......

Forget Switzerland. I know, I know what I said. But we have to forget about it for now. Just wipe it from your memory, because we have a new focus for 2011. And it is not the happy, wonderful, blissful paradise of the alps in Switzerland.

You see, there is nothing quite like a major injury to slam hard on the brakes of life. And after 41 years of MY life, I have managed to achieve my first injury. And it's a pretty major one. One that will require a LOT downtime and physical therapy if I am to get back to the active life that I love.

SO. I have made the decision, that in order to help me focus during my copius amount of downtime, and to hopefully keep from being a 300 lb alcoholic, in need of both rehab and fat camp....I shall blog my road to recovery here! Lets just get started,
shall we?

Here I am, in happier times. The picture of youth and vitality with my three kids and my two working legs. They were good times, those days. The good ole' days. In fact they were just a few days ago. I was skiing and running and doing yoga and lifting and squatting and lunging. So happy......so oblivious to the danger and tragedy that did lie ahead. Today, dear readers I cannot even use the toilet without the aid of crutches. How far we fall.
Now, I know what you are thinking. You're thinking, "uh-huh..ya got cocky didn't ya? you an yer skiing an yer yoga an crap. Ya tried to do too much didn't ya?" But you are wrong. Let me explain:
It was Savannahs birthday and Jackson and I were treating her to a day of snowboarding and lunch and dinner out. The day was gorgeous! 8 inches of fresh snow, snow still on the trees and bright, clear, blue skies and sunshine. After arriving at the resort, the kids of course immediately left me to go on the more challenging slopes with their snowboards. We decided on a meeting time, and off they went. I stayed on the more moderate slopes.
I learned to ski last year, and I still happily do slow S's down the slopes. I had been down the slope several times when I noticed my right ski felt like it was digging into the snow a little. I looked down and discovered that the prongs on the ski binding had come down, just enough to drag a bit. I popped off the ski, and reattached the boot again, and PRESTO! Good to go. (Word to the wise: if there is EVER anything even SLIGHTLY wrong with your rented skis.....TURN THEM IN.) On my next run down the slope, I began to turn to the left, pushing on my right ski, and the prongs came down again and dug into the snow. So in the middle of my turn, my right leg slowed way down, while my left leg was still traveling at regular speed. After that, it was all twisting, and jerking, and legs and skis and a pile of rubber bands snapping in my left knee. My faulty skis STILL never popped off! My legs were all over the place in the most unnatural of positions, and I had to pop the skis off manually. Finally, I was able to grab my left leg and straighten it.
Ow. Pain.
*sparkly things...black spots....passing out....no-no...still here....not passing out*
I thought that perhaps I could hobble over to a nearby lift, get back to the lodge and then rest it, put some ice on it and all would be fine. SO, I manage to stand, I take a step on my left leg and POP! I crumple to the ground as my left knee has no way to support me. That was the WORST, most helpless feeling EVER.
Actually,I take that back. Being driven in a wagon pulled behind a snow mobile, with an 1800's-style, wooden splint on your leg is probably the worst feeling ever.
The driver of said snowmobile was a 50-something year old man who was on a major adrenaline rush at being allowed to take the snowmobile out, so he FLYING over the slopes, beeping the little snowmobile horn, and turning on the flashing lights. Meanwhile, I sat in the wagon. Snow spraying in my face, and my wooden splint bouncing all over the place like a box of unimportant refuse. If I looked ahead, through all the snow spray, all I could see was the Mr. Ski Patrollers butt as he stood up to drive, all hunched over in that position that little kids do on their bikes, to go "really fast". I passed by fellow skiers and snowboarders, as they all had to make way,...... step aside........NON-SKIER COMING THROUGH. I was glad that the snow was spraying in my face. It blocked my vision for the most part.
So now here I sit.
Rest Ice Compression Elevation. RICE. I hate acronyms.
Here is what my knee looked like the day after the accident. EEEEWwwwww!!! Look Away! Look Away!!!

It's straightened all the way out. I put my other leg out beside it for comparison, so you could see it's normal size. The verdict? Torn MCL and Torn ACL. Reconstuctive surgery.
So, here we go. The injury is behind me and the long, long, LONG road to recovery ahead of me. Much more to tell, of course.....much more.
It stinks to be injured. But it's good to be bloggin'.
Cheers!
Melissa