Welcome, 2012, I am happy to see you.

Forgive the seriousness of this post. This certainly isn't my regular blogging style, but I DO write about our life, and we just came through our most difficult chapter to date. And once in awhile there are events that are too deep even for ME to make light of. :-)

2011 tried to kill us.

At least thats what it felt like.

It turns out that the skiing injury at the beginning of the year was only the start of the obstacles to be hurled at our family in 2011. I cried a LOT this year. Like.....I am not a crier. And I probably cried more this year than I ever have in my whole life! There were physical challenges, mental challenges and huge challenges of the heart to be overcome. There were times when just the sheer will "to hold on" was the only tiny shred that I could cling to, and I just "held on" to that.

We all did.

We didn't really do it "together". It wasn't pretty. It didn't really seem like a team effort, but amazingly, we all knew enough to just hold on.

And God held us.

I am not able to be as transparent as I sometimes would like, here and I hope that this doesn't come off as too cryptic. But the end is all the same, even without the sometimes unnerving details.

Before I begin, I should mention that these events had nothing to do with anyone else but our own family. No outsiders, no deceit or cheating or anything of the sort was involved here. Those sorts of fiery darts, we have always felt well prepared against. Our difficulties lie amongst the perils of war.

The proverbial rug was yanked unsuspectingly from beneath my feet this year. I came crashing down and I hit hard. All the things that I had based my life's existence on, were shaken. I felt like I had been broken inside, irreparably. All the rules had been cruelly changed without warning and the new ones were indiscernable until one was broken. Nothing was the same and I had no assurance that it would EVER BE the same. And worst of all, there was no one to blame! What to do with something like this? My mind struggled to make sense of it all.

My God held me.

He let me cry it out. He let me ask the hard questions and twist and turn endlessly when I was unable to make any sense of it all. When I couldn't find the answers to know what "to do" next. He showed me that sometimes the only thing "to do" is just, "to be". To just trust His promises, His goodness, and just "be". This has always felt like an unnatural response for me, and it didn't come any easier this time around.

In time, and with much searching, and praying, and seeking. I came to accept that sad things happen in this fallen world. And that what happened in my family was a very natural response to a very unnatural situation. But it was ugly. And it was out in the open. No one wanted it, no one asked for it, and it was no ones fault. But there it was and we had to put our heads down and DEAL the best we could. And we have. And we are.

I am happy to say that we are all still standing. That 2011 DIDN'T kill us. That we all love one another and we are moving forward. Not in drudgery with our heads down anymore, but with renewed spirits ready to take life on again as a team. All very much aware that although we are beginning to feel strong again, we have just crossed through a dark valley that many, many families never make it back out of. And so, for THAT we are very, very thankful.

Welcome 2012! And Happy New Year!

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"Be convinced that to be happy means to be free and that to be free means to be brave. Therefore do not take lightly the perils of war." - Thucydides Cheers! melissa