I'm the freak

Savannah had signed up to audition for the Fine Arts Center's production of Suessical, the Broadway-Dr.Suess-Musical. This was a 4 week commitment of her summer. 10-4 every day. She was thrilled to try out for a part in the 35 member cast.

The first day was sort of an audition workshop of sorts. It was only a few hours, and as I understood it they would be going over what to expect on audition day. No biggie, right?

First of all, if it were not etched vividly in my mind, I would question from whose womb this child sprang. I am a logical, linear listmaker. I am always on time, and I live by the clock. The only creative things that I do usually involve things like painting and sanding stairs, or digging in the dirt and planting things outside. This is NOT my daughter.

We walk into the beautiful Fine Arts Academy and immediately the hair on the back of my neck stands up. The kids ranging in age from 13-18 were beginning to gather around. As I nervously surveyed the group, I could have immediately divided them into 2 groups. The first group was like Savannah. You would be lucky to get 2 words out of them in normal conversation, but the LIVED to be on stage, where they would miraculously transform into the character they would portray. The second group would be the extroverts. They were bubbly,talkative,and knew everybody's name by the end of the day. They were into their own sense of individual style, with no 2 alike.

After about 30 seconds, I am totally freaked out. This is totally Savannah's scene. These are her peeps. I am a visitor in a foreign land. I do not speak the language. What is it about these kids that give me the creeps??? After Savannah assures me that she does NOT want me to stay, I knock over about 3 other artsy kids trying to get the hell out of there.

I got out to the car and after saying a prayer for Savannah, I kept pondering why on earth I am so paralyzed everytime I take her to these things? What is it? What is going on with me? After awhile, it came to me. These kids are the exact opposite of me. They have no time restraints. Time is not an issue for them. The rules in their life are more fluid. The confines that they feel are from the limits of their own creativity. The day begins when the creative juices begin to flow, and the day ends, when the creativity begins to wane. A very open minded group. There are no lists. There are no clocks. And THAT does not fit into my universe.

After talking myself down off that ledge and working things out in my mind, I was ready to get back in there. It was time to pick her up, and I was ready this time. I pulled up outside, and waited. It looked like I wouldn't have to go back inside after all. The kids were already coming out! WOO-HOO! I waited, and watched for Savannah. She didn't come. I parked the car and went in. As soon as I walked through the door someone punched me in the gut. HARD. ----Oh, no. wait. No one physically punched me, but that is exactly what it felt like. There I saw my daughter. My little girl. I saw what was delaying her.

It was a guy.

An odd looking guy. Pudgy....some facial hair..... You remember the type-they had the misfortune of looking like they were in their mid-thirties in highschool? The type that if you didn't just tell them straight out to "Go away", they were certain that you were in love with them. The type that would own a light blue suit. He was........odd. He was wearing a "Family Missions 2006" T-shirt. He was giving all his strange attention to Savannah, and helping her with her sheet music. He didn't know the meaning of "personal space". She looked trapped and helpless, but as is her nature, she just stood there smiling and nodding quietly. (Again, if I had no MEMORY of her birth...........)

Once I recovered from the initial blow of this sight, my inner dialogue, as I walked over to where the 2 were standing went something like this: "OH GOD! I'm not ready!!! .............SHE'S not ready!!.............................NONE. OF. US. HERE .ARE READY!!!!!!!!!!!" I got her out of there. And fast.

The thoughts that raced through my brain! "She is going to be there from 10 to 4 EVERY DAY for the next 4 weeks!!! .......Does she KNOW that this guy is strange????........ Will she just be too nice, and let him rule her every moment?????....... AHHHHHH!!!!!! ............How do I tell her?.......SHOULD I tell her???........Hey- maybe this will be my big contribution to my daughter.......Now THIS kinda stuff, I'm good at. Oh, yeah- I can hear that now....'Ya know that guy? Well, he's a freak-just tell him to get away, it's the only thing that he'll understand'. No.....no......that's not right. That can't be right"

As it turns out, when I "casually" approached this subject with her, she sensed that I need reassurance. (Perhaps it was my breathless, half-sob, as I gripped both her shoulders that gave it away.) "It's O.K Mom.....He's kind of strange.........and he bothers everyone like that."

It was at this point that I was once again reminded that SHE is the one handling things the right way. SHE is the one doing the right thing. And that......... (sigh) I. Have. Issues.

Thomasina has some stuff to say about Savannah's Theatre experience as well, as she took her in for the audition the next day. This is the first time that Aunt Thom has had to be there with one of the neices or nephews when their necks were SO on the line. She is going to blog about HER side of the story.

Have a great day!
Melissa