Now THAT'S Talent

Mom, I apologize in advance for the contents of this post.

I grew up with only sisters in my family and with one very lady like mama who believed that little girls should have good manners. My dad was the sole male in the house. The lone ranger. The bread winner. The Dragon Slayer. And THE.FINAL.WORD. in all decisions.

As little girls, we were taught that "farting" WAS the "f" word.

and that word was forbidden.

It was referred to as "having gas" and was to be avoided at all costs, and should the awful situation arise, it should be followed by a demure "excuse me", and THAT.IS.ALL. If there was a snicker or giggle it was typically met with my mom saying in her pleasant, little, half-smiling way, "Girls, that's not very lady-like". (My mom was a somewhere between Glenda the Good Witch and Snow White)

This is the way it was. It was in stone an we lived by it.

There was only one hitch in this whole system.

My dad.

You see, my dad, being the master of this particular castle and ruling by dictatorship, NOT democracy, did not subscribe to this particular prim, modus operandi.

NO sir.

Around the family, he would just let 'er rip.

He's never been a man for much genteel pageantry, so this was usually a thundering, ground shaking event that would probably have been followed by applause in some far off, obscure cultures.

This always shocked us girls, and would undoubtedly produce stares of disbelief and attempts at repressed laughter. My mom would only utter his name in a sort of shameful admonishment, and then shoot us girls a look to let us know that LAUGHING at the unfortunate flatulence was also not really appropriate for young ladies.

One day Thomasina and Emily were playing badmitten out in the yard, and my dad walked by on his way into the house.

He never missed a step in his stride as he ripped out a loud one.

It was here, that Em turned,paused in her game and answered, "Yeah dad?"

That's right. She ANSWERED her fathers fart.

Thomasina quickly said, in sort of an embarassed whisper, "He didn't CALL YOUR NAME. He farted!" (Although I am sure that she must have said "passed gas" , mom)

My dad took no notice of them whatsoever and went into the house.

You can imagine the roar as the two girls collapsed on the lawn in riotous laughter.

This story is one of my "go to" stories when I really need to laugh. In fact my kids tell it too.

I am told that some of Em's friends will occasionally bring it up and say, "Hey Em, can your dad still fart your name?"

Now THAT'S talent.

Cheers!
Melissa