I am a terrible mother

Before I launch into my story about being a bad mom, please continue to pray for my mom, who is a saintly mom. She is still very ill. We love you mom. Get better!

So, tonight was orientation night at the homeschool co-op. I really didn't want to go. Austin is taking one class over there. I kept thinking about calling one of the "Team Leaders" and saying something like, "Alright Mary....(pulling out checkbook)...how much is it gonna cost me to UN-participate, here?"

Although I half way think that this approach actually DOES hold a lot of merit with these small schools, I chickened out and we were forced to go.

I finally decided on an outfit to wear to this function(Don't laugh. I mean think about it...it's a tough crowd): fun orange top with smart wide legged denim trousers and snappy wedges. THIS outfit said, (in low, serious tone)"I am serious about my son's education".

I don't know what happened.After we arrived, we were ushered into a small sunday school classroom. Two ladies,(Team Leaders) met with us for our "family interview". They were very serious. This made me laugh. I couldn't help but notice how much one of the ladies had her hair styled exactly like June Carter Cash. But she wasn't at all happy like June.Not at all smiling like I've always seen June in pictures. An angry June Carter Cash. I tried to lighten things up,.. ya know, joke around a bit. Show a less serious side. They stared at me stone faced, and Austin shot me a look that said, "Give it up, mom, you're done."

After a few minutes of "What does your faith mean to you? " type questions, we were released to the main sanctuary. I was relieved to see that the kids all looked really normal and not at all wierd. Or serious. Or like June Carter Cash. Which was good.

During the presentation, I knew that I should be listening, but my mind was bringing up SO MANY funny things! As I looked around the sanctuary at the many oh-so-squidward-like- folks, it was as if every moment that I had ever found hysterical was suddenly poured into my mind anew. I had been seized by some sort of comedic demon.

I was thinking how Race NEVER has to attend any of these kinds of things. The last time he was around for any kind of ceremony was a Scout Court of Honor. Some of the kids were awarded a Tote 'n' Chip award, but Race, not being familiar with these things understood it to be a Tote'n Sh1t award!! BWAHAHAHA!!!

I kept thinking how many ladies were named "Mary" in the room we were sitting in.
There were a WHOLE lot of Marys there. Many Marys

I thought of Emily having to deal with the retarded lady at the beach all the time who says "Oh poop!" in answer to every request that cannot be granted.


And I couldn't help but snicker as my mind focused again on the presentation and I heard the safety rules read.There was a qualifier made about "drugs or alchohol", that this had never been an issue at the school. One lady grabbed her heart and said, "Oh thank God". Aww..

I faded again and I thought of my other sister Thomasina who is a photographer. And the time that she had been working all night taking pictures of this amazing UFC fighter, whom she thought was amazing. And then FINALLY when the night was winding down and she was off the clock, she asked someone else to take HER picture with this fighter..........only to get to her car and look at the picture and realize that her blouse had been open and part of her B**b was showing!! AND to make it even FUNNIER...the guy's signature pose was with one fist up, and kind of curled, so in effect, it looked like he was punching her in the b**b!! BWAHAHAHA!!!

That was it. I lost it. I was laughing. Irreverently and disrespectfully LAUGHING.

Why does this happen to me? It's like an episode of Seinfeld. I can't help it.

(Sigh)
* Could THIS be why I am shunned at homeschool gatherings???....COULD IT??*

After the presentation we met Austin's teacher who is a very sweet older man whom I really like. He seems very organized and very nice and his handshake is like holding a dead fish.

Oh well...it was kinda fun. Austin and I laughed alot on the way home. NIce folks I think, but EXTREMELY serious.

Oh. And I'm signed up to take over study hall 2 times a week. *snort*

Had to make a stop at the grocery store. On the way in I spotted a little old lady who walked all bent over, and had a little hump. I told Austin, "Look at that. I'm gonna be like that when I'm old. I just KNOW I'm gonna have a hump. ANd when I do, you guys be sure that I have a nice, pretty, little shawl or something to drape over it."
And he replied, "O.K. mom, and then we'll put a sign on you that say's "I'm a Little Hunchback".

I laughed till I cried. You can't teach stuff like that, my friends. You can't teach it.

Cheers!
Melissa