Exhale

There is always a knot in my stomach as the time draws nearer for Race to return.



This is the time that I am unable to block out the dangers. The very real possibilities.



The "What ifs".



My mind flashes back to images of Race quickly writing his blood type in large type, on all of his clothes and boots.



I remember watching him carefully put away all of the personal effects that he must leave behind.



I think about how methodical and calculated he is as he inspects every piece of gear.



The luxury of taking my husband for granted, is not mine.



I gave up the delusion long ago that control over another heartbeat could ever be in my possession, no matter WHERE God chose to place us. But it is during the days that lead to his arrival that I really struggle. It is almost torturous.



I busy myself with silly things that make no real difference to anyone. My mind is too preoccupied to take on anything that really MATTERS.



So I organize closets. I use new skin treatments. I change sofa cushions.



The day will inevitably arrive.



The knot in my stomach grows as I drive.



I wait. Usually for a long time.



I look at a magazine that I would normally enjoy, but now it seems like mindless drivel.



I wait.



I get a great cup of coffee, but end up throwing it out for no real reason.



I just wait.



After an eternity, I see him.



That one second of my life that I live over and over again is indescribable.



That. one. second.



As I exhale I hear my own audible prayer of thanks.



Our eyes lock instantly. Just seconds more and his arms are around me. The arms that I was SO TERRIFIED of never feeling again.



The underlying tension that has marked each and every day that he has been away, gushes out.



And it's gone.



And God's blessing rushes over me like a wave of goodness.



Race is home.


My deep, and heartfelt appreciation goes out to each and every family member who has a loved one involved in this war on terror. Thank you for your service.


Melissa